Flip Side Meeting


The Traits

This page looks at the four laundry lists side-by-side. Following the listing are some ideas about using it in meetings

Trait #1

Trait #2

Trait #3

Trait #4

Trait #5

Trait #6

Trait #7

Trait #8

Trait #9

Trait #10

Trait #11

Trait #12

Trait #13

Trait #14


(These thoughts are one person’s reflections on the laundry lists. They are not quoting conference approved material.)

When we first read the Laundry List, we didn’t have the familiarity to ignore it’s basic meaning: things we want to come clean of. It was a clarifying moment to be identified so accurately.

As The Problem states, listing these traits “is a description, not an indictment.” They help us identify as adult children who can benefit from this program; they are not meant as a permanent statement of identity.

In fact, our identity as those working the ACA program is as people seeing those defeating traits transform–“flip”–into healthier and happier traits. For that reason, the “Flip Sides” of both laundry lists were written.

Flipping The Laundry Lists

The original Laundry List, penned by Tony A in 1978, is a tool for adult children to self-identify for treatment based on their Trauma traits. The Flip Side of The Laundry List affirms our growing non-victim identities.

The Other Laundry List identifies negative ways adult children attempt to escape their victim roles. It helps us recognize how victim become perpetrator is a common phenomena-in fact victim and victimizer can co-exist, locked in a cycle of dynamic sorrow that, unfortunately, propagates across relationships and generations.

The Flip Side of the Other Laundry List shows us how those victimizer traits can be transmuted into positive strengths. Think Anakim -> Darth Vader -> Dad Skywalker.

Below, I’ve labeled these as:

List Name Label Idea
Laundry List Strategy the disempowered victim survival strategies
Other List Overcompensation the empowered reaction, I’m not going to be hurt (even if I have to victimize to prevent it)
Other Flip Pivot the shift that frees from the overcompensation
Flip Side Transformation The ongoing shift in healing as we undergo a 7th step

Using these Meetings

Single Trait. Members reads Flipping The Laundry Lists (above). Members choose one trait, then read the four entries for that trait, then share their thoughts on how the lists interplay. You could have different members read each entry, commenting if they want to.

All Traits. After reading aloud Flipping the Laundry Lists (above), members read each entry for each trait, one or two entries per member, then share if they would like to.